well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
