Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
