i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
