Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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