would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
