So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
