so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
