Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The police scanner is talking about you again....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
