Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
