I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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