my sisters under your porch take her home
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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