we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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