can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
