You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
