Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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