remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
