So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
