i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
