i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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