I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
