If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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