I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
