I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
