well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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