who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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