you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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