so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just high enough for therapy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
