He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
