Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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