it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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