thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
