found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
