Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
