Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
