Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
