Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
