Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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