I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
