my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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