You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize