Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
