Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
