the new term for farting is butt boxing.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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