I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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