dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize