Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
