The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
