i would punch a child for taco bell
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
please come you make the beer taste better
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
