I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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