Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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