I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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