No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We left the knife in your bed.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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