everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
