How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
