Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
