Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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