The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
