check it out our google latitudes are spooning
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
