Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
