He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Im part way to drunk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
