but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize