I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
