My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
