if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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